From the archives....
TaB goes to Vegas
Your mission, Jim, should you choose to accept it, is to travel to Las Vegas and compare the American and English approach to strip-clubs. Hell, it's a dirty job, but someone's got to do it...
Disclaimer: I am basing the following on a tiny sample of clubs -- to be specific, two: the Olympic Gardens and Palomino's. If these are somehow totally unrepresentative of the American milieu, I apologise.
VENUES: Hey, in America, they have seats! I'm trying to think if I've ever sat down in Brown's or Metropolis, in maybe five years of visiting them. I don't think so. Generally, Vegas wins because of this, but what IS this bizarre rule preventing nudity and alcohol from turning up simultaneously? The utter pointlessness of this is a big minus point, compared to London, where every venue I've been to has offered both as a matter of course.
VALUE FOR MONEY: London fights back here. Both places in Vegas charged an entrance fee ($5-10, effectively) and the price of beer was two to three times normal. Especially in Vegas, where you can get drinks free in the casinos, paying $5 for one is a bit steep. Back in Britain, there's no entrance fee, and the beer is pretty much the same price as usual. However, a dollar tip is cheaper than a pound one, and there are more interesting things you can do with a dollar bill, usually involving breasts and lingerie...
THE ARTISTES: Vegas has the edge here, simply due to the jaw-dropping consistently high quality, especially in Olympic Gardens. There wasn't a girl I saw there who was less than an eight. Even in Metropolis, you get the odd dodgy bird, but the entry qualifications in Las Vegas appear to be incredibly strict. No complaints from this punter.
THE PERFORMANCES: This is probably London's biggest plus point, mostly it would seem because the girls collect their tips between appearances, rather than during them, which frees them to concentrate whole-heartedly on their performance. In Vegas, and Olympic Gardens especially, you spent a lot of time drumming your fingers and looking at her back while she concentrated on one bloke. Here, the end result is far more of general interest, and the girls manage to interact with audience members without shutting out the rest of the crowd.
EXTRAS: Of course, you can't get a true, full-contact lap dance in London (well, actually, that's not quite the case, but as far as the casual visitor goes, it might as well be). And I do have to say, that it is a very pleasant experience. I was feeling a little jaded in Olympic Gardens (due to the lack of performance), but I noted one blonde dancer carrying a Hello Kitty handbag. Being something of a student of Japanese pop culture, and a fan of Sanrio (the Hello Kitty corporation), I mentioned this to her, and she was amazed and delighted someone had noticed. This probably affected the quality of the lap-dance I got, but it does go to prove the value of noting little things like that.
Anyway, Darlene (for that was her name) was great, and happily sat and chatted to me for ages afterwards, and I felt under no pressure to buy more dances -- I did, but that's another matter! I could hardly have had a better introduction to the delights of lap-dances, and the pale imitation offered by Brown's in London no longer has quite so much appeal. For $20, I was thoroughly impressed, and would recommend her highly -- say "hello" to her for me, if you see her!
If you've never had a proper lap-dance, it's a stunning experience. To sum it up in 35 words or less, it involves the top-class babe of your choice, wearing very little except for a pleasant scent, rubbing virtually every part of her anatomy against virtually every part of yours, while giving a totally convincing impression of a nymphomaniac in heat. It is quite wonderful, even if it is a herculean task to restrain yourself from just ravishing her on the spot. It also does great things for your ego, I grinned like a maniac for days afterwards!
In Palomino's, where full nudity was on offer, the price was double that, and frankly, I'd far rather have had two of Darlene's. There was also a LOT more pressure to get them, though I think that was partly my fault for agreeing quickly to the first one, I was then labelled as an easy mark. Soon learned to say "No" though, especially at $40 a pop...
CONCLUSIONS: Er, none really. London and Las Vegas are different, and that's half the appeal of going, to experience something new. I don't think it's possible to say objectively that one is "better" than the other, as it depends on whether, say, drinking beer is more or less important than a good lap-dance. I'd certainly recommend Olympic Gardens as a fun venue, especially if there are a group of you (to while away the hours while the babe is entertaining elsewhere on the stage!), and Palomino's is not without merit if you crave more (or rather, less) than G-strings.
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